sudden

Sudden rush of emptiness conquer me.

It is never easy to understand a person. It takes me near one year to understand someone who I luv deeply. Taking extra attention on the physical and also character. What he like do, what he like to eat, what he like to be, what colour he like, what kind of people that he don't like, what kind of dressing style he like, what kind of person is he and etc. Then again, questions like, "Why he don't like?", "Why he like?", "Why he behave this way?" and etc. He whom I know, is a person which it is hard for me to use word to describe what kind of person he is. For everything he does, definitely there'll be a reason behind it that he who will not say.

Spending time and effort to know someone by having the person voicing out isn't easy at all. I never knew that after all the effort that I spend trying to understand him well, what I was being told is "I just want you to understand me," Time again and again this thing had been repeating in quarrels. I wonder, why wouldn't it be me saying this? "I just want you to know how I feel when I did spend a lot of effort in understanding you and yet I'm being told off," I wished I could tell you this.

Hoping someone to comfort you and support you isn't easy. Each time something that happened or things that I don't like to see, I tried to voice out. Imagine how I feel, being criticize and not being side because he's someone that see things straightly. Imagine the feeling of accepting sorry only when you say, "And you didn't bother to say sorry,". Else, you'll not get any apology at all. If that's the case, what's the point of voicing out? I fear now, I fear of confiding in him because each time all I get is lecturing and lecturing and crying. It made me feel even worst. I don't feel like I'm a girlfriend to him at all each time such thing happened.

Concern about someone whom know how you feel ain't easy too. Each time you got angry, someone else think that you're unreasonable and your concern did not receive any recognition at all. How would you feel?

To let a guy understand how a girl feel when she's having PMS is way harder. He'd just say it's just an excuse that every month, without fail, you'll throw your tantrum at him. Ending up, having PMS = your fault. PMS for mood swing isn't easy to control at all. I did try, I try my best to not to let out any temper. But it just came out like that. I feel guilty after that trying to explain to you, yet all you tell me, "It's just an excuse only,". If that's the case, what for having myself feeling guilty and put aside my pride just to apologise? Why not letting you have a feel of PMS?

To have a guy to know what a girl thinking is one of the hardest task in the whole wide world.

I just feel, do I deserve it?

Why each time it ended up and becomes my fault?
Just because you kept quiet.