Can't help it
Lately I'm feeling so vex and dilemma over baby's signing on on SAF. (Air)
At first, I thought that he would really go for army instead of air force. Friday he told me that if he really go for army, he'd withdraw air force. But it seems like he couldn't bear to withdraw it. Even til then if he were to really withdraw, he would have done that earlier. Cos Friday is the last day to submit the withdrawal form. However on Friday night, I heard his convo with Amy. I thought I was dreaming, he did really go for air force instead of army. My heart sank a bit, but least expected tho. He got so excited by only talking about air force.
The reason why my heart sank was because...
I thought that after his period at Tekong, life would be much better for the both of us. At least he'll get to a unit or vocation that will allow him to stay out, so that we both got more time together. Honestly and frankly speaking, there were two most devastate point of time for me while he's in Tekong. First, his confinement week. I couldn't see him and feel him. But I go through it. Second, his field camp week. His field camp week was a killer to me. I'm really really very devastated and really, feel like giving up on the waiting. Only until the text he sent to me. It keeps me going. I've never felt so despair before.
Those times I really feel like giving up. I couldn't bear to tell baby this personally. But he'll read my blog during every book out. I'm sorry baby. =(
But told him something this noon.
I thought that it's worth it by doing all my projects only on Sunday late evening when baby is parted from me. Cos I thought that after his Tekong life, he'll be staying out. So that, even if I do my projects on Sunday late evening, I'll be able to meet him on weekdays. It's like, I don't have to stop my projects on weekend just to accommodate him. But accommodating him seems worthwhile to me. So I don't mind.
I've got no 100% confident in myself. This time round isn't 4mths. It's 9 mths. 9 long mths. I'm really... heart sunk.
I really stupid and feel like an asshole. Pea brain me. Why must I cry over the slightest thing, like every time?
It's always "I thought" and not "I'm sure". Life's like this,
At first, I thought that he would really go for army instead of air force. Friday he told me that if he really go for army, he'd withdraw air force. But it seems like he couldn't bear to withdraw it. Even til then if he were to really withdraw, he would have done that earlier. Cos Friday is the last day to submit the withdrawal form. However on Friday night, I heard his convo with Amy. I thought I was dreaming, he did really go for air force instead of army. My heart sank a bit, but least expected tho. He got so excited by only talking about air force.
The reason why my heart sank was because...
I thought that after his period at Tekong, life would be much better for the both of us. At least he'll get to a unit or vocation that will allow him to stay out, so that we both got more time together. Honestly and frankly speaking, there were two most devastate point of time for me while he's in Tekong. First, his confinement week. I couldn't see him and feel him. But I go through it. Second, his field camp week. His field camp week was a killer to me. I'm really really very devastated and really, feel like giving up on the waiting. Only until the text he sent to me. It keeps me going. I've never felt so despair before.
Those times I really feel like giving up. I couldn't bear to tell baby this personally. But he'll read my blog during every book out. I'm sorry baby. =(
But told him something this noon.
I thought that it's worth it by doing all my projects only on Sunday late evening when baby is parted from me. Cos I thought that after his Tekong life, he'll be staying out. So that, even if I do my projects on Sunday late evening, I'll be able to meet him on weekdays. It's like, I don't have to stop my projects on weekend just to accommodate him. But accommodating him seems worthwhile to me. So I don't mind.
I've got no 100% confident in myself. This time round isn't 4mths. It's 9 mths. 9 long mths. I'm really... heart sunk.
I really stupid and feel like an asshole. Pea brain me. Why must I cry over the slightest thing, like every time?
It's always "I thought" and not "I'm sure". Life's like this,
posted by Magdaline Lim at
21:25
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