Can't help it

Lately I'm feeling so vex and dilemma over baby's signing on on SAF. (Air)

At first, I thought that he would really go for army instead of air force. Friday he told me that if he really go for army, he'd withdraw air force. But it seems like he couldn't bear to withdraw it. Even til then if he were to really withdraw, he would have done that earlier. Cos Friday is the last day to submit the withdrawal form. However on Friday night, I heard his convo with Amy. I thought I was dreaming, he did really go for air force instead of army. My heart sank a bit, but least expected tho. He got so excited by only talking about air force.

The reason why my heart sank was because...
I thought that after his period at Tekong, life would be much better for the both of us. At least he'll get to a unit or vocation that will allow him to stay out, so that we both got more time together. Honestly and frankly speaking, there were two most devastate point of time for me while he's in Tekong. First, his confinement week. I couldn't see him and feel him. But I go through it. Second, his field camp week. His field camp week was a killer to me. I'm really really very devastated and really, feel like giving up on the waiting. Only until the text he sent to me. It keeps me going. I've never felt so despair before.

Those times I really feel like giving up. I couldn't bear to tell baby this personally. But he'll read my blog during every book out. I'm sorry baby. =(

But told him something this noon.

I thought that it's worth it by doing all my projects only on Sunday late evening when baby is parted from me. Cos I thought that after his Tekong life, he'll be staying out. So that, even if I do my projects on Sunday late evening, I'll be able to meet him on weekdays. It's like, I don't have to stop my projects on weekend just to accommodate him. But accommodating him seems worthwhile to me. So I don't mind.

I've got no 100% confident in myself. This time round isn't 4mths. It's 9 mths. 9 long mths. I'm really... heart sunk.

I really stupid and feel like an asshole. Pea brain me. Why must I cry over the slightest thing, like every time?

It's always "I thought" and not "I'm sure". Life's like this,

untitled

I just feel like shunning away from them. That's how I feel and what I wanna do. I doubt we're important to each other anymore. It's not like the past. Life isn't sweet anymore, especially after when we all grow up.

True enough, easy come easy go.
Except for a few precious gems.

I'm not thinking too much but this is life,
Had hell loads of questions but nobody could give you the answer. Isn't it?

=)

boring

Needless to say, every monday is so boring.

----

kthxbye.

a pile of tidbits are calling for me, should I munch on them...? :/

Pretty hubby ♥

Scrapbook for 20th monthsary =)

Gayboy♥

Muackszxc! =D

 

 

I've been feeling sian recently.

When I'm doing my work, baby keep running into my mind. But when I'm with baby, projects keep running into my mind.

wtfuck? hahahaha.

Went to swimming with baby♥ this morning. I feel so glad that he's enlightening me. =) I feel so much better after pouring to him.

----

Well well well.

Hecticcc ahhhh!

Byebye blog, gna blog when I think that my life is interesting. =)

I need some luv.

oldies

雨下了，又停了。
泪流了，又干了。
你走多久，多远了，我还在这。
你说的，你忘了，可是我还记得，手心里紧握着一不属于我的情热。
爱怎会输给了时间，我的耳边，再听不见。
我以为永远不会变，最习惯了明天见。
放手了该回到原点，心会受伤也能复原。
我会学着自己走出从前，祝福明天。

-明天见 by 王心凌

well well well...

How I wish there's 2 of me in this world. To share my problems to another me.

Dear web diary,

today is Wednesday and I keep thinking that today is Sunday. It is unusual to have baby♥ with me during the weekday. Hehe. Well, these few days my temper weren't that good, probably it's due to the changing weather and of course, ICA(s). ICA(s) are killer and I'm halfway through only one of it. FML.

This week is exhausted and fast enough for me. Probably I'll enjoy this weekend a lot. Gna head to town and maybe catch HP 7 with baby♥. =)

Actually I'm not looking forward to my 18th but now I guess I'll be looking very forward to it. Celebrating with Jen♥ and Shannon and co. =D

That's all for the day. Gna turn in now.

hugs and kisses,

lifestyle

I dislike this kind of lifestyle a lot, especially after baby got into NS. I maybe lamenting here but I am feeling all these.

I am feeling very very awful now. I need some hugs... ='(

sighhhh

This week is so so so so meaningless for me. -.....-

Brainy or brainless

My blog has been quite dead lately. Probably I should come up with some sensational gossip/talk/post here.

You know when you dislike a person, dislike him/her so much that how you wished you could insult or confront him/her right in the face. I guess you're not the only one who feels that way.

There's a person which I dislike as much as how some of the people does.
I got a question,

"Imagine your relationship with your boyfriend was being discord by a girl whom you regard as, best friend."

How would you feel? Likewise, IF I WERE TO have this experience, both baby and that girl will be in deep trouble. AND, guys please, don't be so fucking blind to trust someone outside than your girl. Imagine the pain she carry and the fucking attitude you give her. Besides facing all these fuck up matters, she still forgives you. Where the hell do you find such a high tolerance girl and forgets bout everything and move on with you. Where the hell do you find a girl that says she can't bear to leave you after all these fuck up matter? Do you even feel guilty?

Yes I'm talking about some brainless people here. I don't fucking give a damn about them bitching bout me at the back. Cos I'm stating all the facts down here. And I don't give a fucking damn about these people after this post. Why I'm talking bout all these? It's because someone whom I care was badly hurt and I feel heartache for her and also, this kind of people should have their masks removed.

Please, don't be a fucking hypocrite. It won't bring you any further.

This time round identity should be anonymity. Next time round if things get worst, I'll shoot names out immediately and post on fb's wall.

Why the hell in this world there's such people?

Brainy or brainless?

2nd day

Dear web diary,

today is the second day of baby♥'s field camp. Since yesterday it has been raining and also every moment I'll be wondering if he's freezing in the jungle. No doubt that NS are good at having their men in tough time while their men's girlfriends are out there worrying for them constantly tho knowing that their boyfriends will be fine. But, this is human instinct. =)

I'm sure he'll need my hug badly after this week. Three and a half more days to go sweetheart! I'll be by your side whenever you need me. I promise. ♥

Well, recently I've been vexing over some personal matters... But I'm alright now, feeling so much better even tho I still doesn't have to answer to it.

That's all. Gna turn in now for tmrw's long day.

xoxoxo
Mag =)

blue 20th monthsary

Today is Mondayyyyyy and I'm feeling blue again. I feel extremely blue and vex today. I've thinking about something for quite a while already and no answer has yet to be given to me. It's a big no no to talk about it.

I miss baby sooooooooo much and yet I couldn't hear his voice for 5 nights. ='( Feeling damn awful over it and teary, of course. School sucks today. I have no idea why I've got no motivation for this semester. I feel lousy and sucky. Well, my Mondays are always like that. I guess I'll be fine when baby is out of Tekong. WHICH IS EXACTLY 2 MORE MONTHS! =D

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

forever luv

爱你, 不是因为你的美和影
我越来越爱你,
每个眼神触动我的心
因为你让我看见forever
才了解自己,
未来这些日子
要好好珍惜

爱我, 有些痛苦有些不公平
如果真的爱我
不是理所当然的决定
感到你的呼吸在我耳边
像微风深情
温柔的安抚,
我的不安定
所以我要
每年研究你的笑容
Wo~~
多么自然

Forever love forever love
我只想用我这一辈子去爱你
从今以后,
你会是所有
幸福的理由

爱情, 是场最美最远的旅行
沿途遇经泥泞
偶尔阻碍我们的前进
感到你的体温在我怀里
像阳光和煦
巧妙的熔化
我的不安定
不可思议
证明我爱你的理由
WO
多么自然
你感动的眼睛,
我沉默的声音,
仿佛就是最好的证明
就让我再说一次
I love you ~~
直到永远
oh
Forever love Forever love Forever love

Credit x

happy 20thhhhhhhhhhh

♥
Happy 20th monthsary...
to my sweetest luv, Kayson


Tho you're going to have your field camp tmrw (Of all, on our monthsary -..-), but I really hope that you enjoy your field camp cos it's a "once in a lifetime" experience. I enjoy our advance celebration with you and hope you'd like the scrapbook that I've made for you. Hehehehe. Thank you for your luv and everything for the past 20 months. Our relationship is getting strong especially after you got into NS. Anyway, all my mushy words are in the scrapbook! And you've read it already. I promise you to take care of myself and be strong okay? Similarly, you must not feel heavy hearted and emo every sunday alright? I'm sure you'll be reading this on Sat. =) Well, last but not least, I luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv you very very much! Muaaaaahhhzxc! ♥ ♥ ♥!!!

on side note, Friday I skate for near 20km. That was a killer, REALLY.
& Red crocs doesn't have my size. =( Shall wait for it then.

HEHE that's all.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

omgawd

omg omg. i really hate pms. it has been making me feel down and awful recently and i realised i break down easily these few days. i'll be fine soon.

=)

heartache to my sweetest baby. =(
i luv you and im looking forward to this Friday with you! :D
hwaitingggg! Mwaaaaaaaaaahzxc! (^>o<^)

November, first

It is monday and it is the 1st of November. I'm feeling shitty down here. Totally had no idea why. I'm going to school in 15 mins time and I'm gna post all my shitty feelings here cos I had no one to talk to right at the moment.

Probably I'm feeling this way is due to monday blueeee?

Well, had been voicing out to baby what's wrong with me recently. Suddenly I feel so pessimistic about my own life and felt terrible over it. Everything's fine... Except when a word came into my mind, I feel so down. Friendship. I'm thankful for hs, wh, yh, yj, ken, hq, jen and my polymates for being there for me whenever I need them very badly. but some were disappointing to me. i don't know why. i don't blame anyone at all. I guess I'm just think a lil bit way too much. PMS is a bitch, moodswing and paranoid.

Tears are verging on my eye rims but im okay. Just that... I miss my very very old clique a lot. supper and late nights out. however, it is totally different now. And I've told baby that I've got no intention of celebrating my 18th bday after what i've experienced this year.

oh well. this is me, always think too much. Especially during pms period.

emo.